These Twisted Lives We Lead
by writer123456789
Summary: Cole is going through a very tough time in his life after the events of Exit Strategy. Can Phoebe save him? And will she be willing to? CHAPTER 3 NOW UP!
1. Chapter I

These Twisted Lives We Lead, Part 1, by Lea

_Summary_: Cole is going through a very tough time in his life after the events of Exit Strategy. Can Phoebe save him? And will she be willing to? Set about three weeks after Exit Strategy, Pheobe and Cole have not seen each other since then and any episodes after Exit Strategy have not occurred.

_Rating_: PG-13 (deals with adult themes)

_Spoilers_: Exit Strategy

_Content_: Some kissing, angst and adult themes. 

_Pairing_: Phoebe/Cole

_Disclaimer_: None of the characters used belong to me, no profit is made from this story and no infringement is intended.

Feedback can be sent to me at: MetsAreMyLife@aol.com

"Wow! Piper, this is great!"

The two older Halliwell sisters were in the kitchen late one Friday afternoon. Piper was cooking something and Prue tasting it in the few minutes she had left before she needed to leave for an appointment when the doorbell rang. Piper was busy, so Prue went to get it. 

She opened the door and was shocked to see Cole standing there. She raised her hands to tk him when he held up his, palms facing outward, in a gesture of submission. He looked worse than Prue had ever seen him before, as if he had been nearly completely beaten down, both physically and in spirit. His eyes were lifeless and his shoulders slumped; he looked more weary than any person, or half-demon for that matter, ever ought to be. Piper joined her sister by the door and placed a hand on her shoulder, silently telling her to let him say his piece, he couldn't have looked like less of a threat if he tried, so Prue acquiesced. She lowered her arms and crossed them, ready to listen.

"Please..." He said brokenly, "I just need to talk to you guys, I swear, I'll leave as soon as you hear me out and I won't bother you anymore. I wouldn't even have come here under normal circumstances, but I had no where else to go." Towards the end of this his voice took on a note of desperation. "You three are my last hope." 

After a moments thought, Prue stepped back to let him through. He sighed in relief and was about to enter when they heard someone coming down the stairs.

"Piper, Prue? I heard the doorbell ring, who..." She broke off her sentence as she saw who it was. For a long moment their eyes locked. Prue, still looking at Cole saw a tiny spark of life light up in his eyes, but then Phoebe abruptly turned towards her sisters, dismissing him and the spark died.

"What is _he_ doing here?" She asked angrily.

"Phoebe! Calm down! He said he had to talk with us and would leave as soon as he was done." Piper said.

"And you believe him?" She asked.

After hesitating for a second, Piper responded with, "Yes."

At this Phoebe turned quickly and started walking away from them. Piper and Prue looked at each other.  

"Umm, Pheebes, where are you going?" asked Prue.

"You said we were going to talk, do you want to stand in the doorway the whole damn time or sit in the living room?" snapped Phoebe. Seeing Cole again had startled her, threw her off her rhythm, she wasn't sure how to react. She had thought she managed to forget about him and was surprised to see how much he still meant to her. Seeing him again brought up a flood of emotions that she felt were safer remaining bottled up. 

The three sisters sat down in the living room and Cole took a seat across from them. At first no one spoke, but when he saw the expectant looks on their faces, Cole took a deep breath and decided to begin. He stretched out his right arm, palm up and appeared about to summon something when he saw the looks on the sisters' faces and paused. 

"Don't worry," he said sardonically, "Even if I _wanted_ to I doubt I'd have the strength to do anything to you guys right now." He looked at them as if asking for their permission to continue and when Prue nodded he stuck out his hand again. He concentrated for a few seconds and then a white ball of light appeared in his palm. He reached out with his other hand and cradled the ball gently between them, staring at it. 

When it seemed that no further information was likely to be offered by him, Piper attempted to get him started by asking, "Well, what is it?"

After a second, he started talking again, "It's my fathers soul." he replied bitterly, "Payment, for a job well done." The self-contempt and loathing for what he had done was plainly evident in his voice. The sisters looked at each other in shock over this new revelation. Cole continued, "This is now the single good thing in my life, which, for that matter, has gone completely and horribly wrong. Not that I expect sympathy, or even deserve it. It's just that if my life should end today, or tomorrow, which, with all the combined forces of both good _and_ evil out after my blood, seems like more of a probability and less of a possibility each day, I wouldn't want all the terrible things that have happened and all the sacrifices that have been made in order to get this to have been for nothing. And since you three are the only people in this world I can trust..." he trailed off, but when none of them said anything, he added, "If you won't do it for me, then do it for the soul of a good man, _an innocent man,_ who has been forced to suffer all the tortures of hell for over a hundred years. Please." he said, almost begging at this point.

At last Piper looked at her sisters and nodded, "We'll take it." she said.

Cole exhaled a large sigh of relief and passed the glowing orb to her. "Show it to Leo, he'll know what to do with it."

Suddenly Prue leapt up, "Oh my God!" She exclaimed, "I'm going to be late for my appointment!" 

"And I," said Piper, "Am going to go show this to Leo." The two of them left the room, not even realizing that they had left their youngest sister alone with Cole.

Phoebe and Cole stood up, but neither of them said anything, both being lost in their thoughts. Suddenly in a small voice Phoebe asked, "Cole, did you mean what you said before, about you dieing?" 

For a minute Cole didn't answer, but then he burst out saying, "I hate my life! It consists of nothing but shimmering from place to place to place, hundreds of times a day, in rapid-fire succession, until I get so dizzy I couldn't even tell you which way is up. I shimmer, because I have found ways to use minimal energy to obtain maximum results and it is much, much less draining then trying to form an energy ball of sufficient force to do much of _anything_. I don't even have the energy to make a stand and fight so I'm forced to run and hide, like a coward, and, to top things off I haven't been able to sleep in weeks!" his voice became slightly hysterical, " I- I don't know how much more of this I can stand! I was never meant for the life of a fugitive, Phoebe." He said, looking up into her eyes and shaking his head. "When I was with you, I had a reason to keep fighting, a good one, a really good one, but now it just all seems so pointless. I have _nothing _to live for." he paused, then continued in a low voice that was no less intense for it's volume, "Sometimes, or rather, most of the time, I wish that instead of incinerating that witch, I could have been the one killed."  

Cole looked up at Phoebe, it took a moment for the shock on her face to register, and then he realized what he just said. "I'm sorry, I- uh- I got to go," he said hastily. 

"Cole, wait- no-" said Phoebe, but it was too late, as he shimmered out of the house.

Phoebe ran out of the house quickly brushing past a startled Piper and Leo, who had just orbed in. She took off in Pipers car, not even caring that she hadn't asked. Phoebe knew where Cole would go; it was just a matter of being able to get there in time. She needed to get to the mausoleum before he did anything drastic.

~End chapter 1~

**Nickelback- How You Remind Me  
**  
_Never made it as a wise man  
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing  
Tired of living like a blind man  
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling  
And this is how you remind me _

_…_

_It's not like you didn't know that  
I said I love you and I swear I still do  
And it must have been so bad  
'Cause living with me must have damn near killed you _

_And this is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am _

Authors Note: Please review! Let me know what you think of it! I'll try to get the next part up as soon as possible.


	2. Chapter II

These Twisted Lives We Lead, Part 2, by Lea

_Summary_: When we last left off, Cole had given his father's soul to the Halliwells for safekeeping and had shimmered off after scaring Phoebe with talk of his death. Prue is out working, Piper is with Leo and has Cole's father's soul and Phoebe is trying to find Cole.

_Disclaimer_: None of the characters used belong to me, no profit is made from this story and no infringement is intended.

Feedback can be sent to me at: MetsAreMyLife@aol.com

Cole shimmered in to the mausoleum mentally kicking himself for being so stupid. He angrily ran a hand through his hair and spun around quickly. "Ahh!" he shouted in frustration to no one in particular. Why did he have to tell Phoebe that? Would nothing ever go his way? Cole stood there silently berating himself, lost in self-contemplation and consequently nearly missed sensing the shimmering of bounty hunters nearby. He noticed just in time, and quickly shimmered out, beginning the nauseating cycle of half-formed visions of different worlds and places and times. 

Piper and Leo stood in the foyer of the house staring at the door Phoebe had just ran out of, both looking thoroughly confused. 

"Umm, all right..." Leo said as he turned his attention back to Piper. "So, what was it you wanted me for?" he asked.

Piper looked at him again as she remembered why she called him. She showed him the glowing orb Cole had given them. "Does this mean anything to you?" she asked.

Leo's demeanor changed instantly, "Where the hell did you get one of those!!!" he practically shouted at her. 

Piper looked at him in astonishment, she couldn't recall him ever being this worked up over something. "Cole gave it to us, he said it was his fathers soul, that it was a payment of sorts for what he did. He said you'd know what to do with it. Was he telling the truth? Is this really his fathers soul?"

Leo reached out his hands and Piper gave him the sphere. He held it with a hand on either side then slowly moved them apart. The globe remained suspended in the air between them; Leo closed his eyes and concentrated for a minute. He seemed to receive confirmation of whatever it was he was looking for because he then started moving his hands together again. Rather than stopping when they hit the orb, as Piper thought they would, his hands continued to close the gap between each other, never actually touching the glowing sphere. Instead, the sphere seemed to dissipate into the air until finally the entire thing was gone.

"What did you do, Leo?" asked Piper

"I sent him back where he belongs." responded Leo without emotion, his thoughts obviously far away, he turned around, pondering the new developments. "His father's soul..." he said wonderingly, shaking his head in apparent amazement.

"Umm, Leo, honey, whatcha thinking about?" asked Piper, not understand what the big fuss was about.

Leo turned back towards his wife and tried to explain. "I just... I never even thought that something like this could be involved."

Piper stared at him blankly, "What do you mean 'something like this'? Why is it such a huge deal?" she asked.

"Well, I mean, haven't you ever thought about why Cole... well, why he did what he did?" asked Leo.

"Well, no, I guess I haven't." said Piper, not really understanding, "Once a demon, always a demon, I suppose."

"Oh come on Piper! Now you sound like Prue! Think harder. You saw them together; you saw how much they loved each other! I mean, seriously, you and I ought to know better than anyone about the power of love. Especially forbidden love, right?" he asked smiling at her, when she nodded, he continued, "I've thought about it, and I just can't imagine Cole willingly jeopardizing that love. The whole 'once a demon, always a demon' theory never seemed to fit to me because, well, human emotions are _very_ strong, and technically, he's as much of a human as he is a demon." Leo shrugged, "Demons don't feel emotions like humans do, for them it's more like instinct, so for Cole, his human emotions must have felt doubly as strong since, first of all, he had never experienced anything like them before and, secondly, there was nothing to counter it from his demon half. And, as I mentioned before, human emotions are very strong..."

Leo looked up at Piper; "It all makes sense to me now! Cole had been completely worn down so he couldn't think straight and his instincts took over, but he must have resisted at some level so they threw this incentive out at him, his father's soul! The soul of the one person he's ever loved, other than Phoebe, has been suffering all the torments of hell because of him and he could end it by merely doing that which over the course of a century or so had become instinct to him. So," Leo concluded sadly, "He gave in, and has been paying for it ever since." After a second Leo added, " You know, I've been 'good' all my life, and I can honestly tell you I don't know what I'd be willing to do if you were suffering because of me, let alone being in hell enduring horrors worse than anyone could ever imagine." Leo trailed off, and he and Piper stood there lost in their own thoughts.

Cole returned to the mausoleum in even worse shape than he left in, since the bounty hunters had gotten so close to him it took what seemed like forever to shimmer enough times to lose them. "I can't do this anymore," he said to himself with an edge of insanity to his voice. He remained silent for a little while, contemplating the ruins he called his life, then without fully thinking over what he was about to do, he rolled up his sleeves so his forearms were exposed. He held out his hand, "Anthame." he commanded, and at that the knife appeared in his palm. He was looking at it, apparently steeling his resolve when he heard footsteps entering the mausoleum. 

"Cole!" shouted the voice which haunted his dreams, "Cole, where-" Phoebe stopped abruptly having reached the bottom of the stairs where she got her first look at Cole. For a long second she stared at his bare forearms and the knife in his hand, then she looked up into his eyes. At first he looked stunned, like a deer frozen, looking in the headlights of a car, then, suddenly, he dropped the anthame as though it burned his hand with all the fires of hell. It fell with a loud clang and skittered out of the way as Cole dropped to his knees. Phoebe ran to him and held him as he sobbed.

~End chapter 2~

**Staind- It's Been Awhile**

_And it's been awhile, since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile, since I first saw you  
And it's been awhile, since I could stand on my own two feet again  
And it's been awhile, since I could call you  
   
…_

_And it's been awhile, since I can say I love myself as well  
And it's been awhile, since I've gone and f*cked things up just like I always do  
And it's been awhile, but all that sh*t seems to disappear when I'm with you_

_  
And everything I can't remember  
As f*cked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've stretched myself beyond my means  
  
_

_…_

_  
And it's been awhile, since I could look at myself straight  
And it's been awhile, since I said I'm sorry  
And it's been awhile, since I've seen the way the candle lights your face  
And it's been awhile, but I can still remember just the way you taste  
  
_


	3. Chapter III

These Twisted Lives We Lead, Part 3, by Lea

_Summary_: When we last left off, Leo had explained to Piper what he thinks the motivation for Cole's killing of the witch was; Phoebe had just found Cole in the mausoleum attempting to commit suicide and stopped him.

_Disclaimer_: None of the characters used belong to me, no profit is made from this story and no infringement is intended.

Feedback can be sent to me at: MetsAreMyLife@aol.com

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he repeated brokenly, over and over again as he bawled like a baby, his shoulders heaving with each wracking cry. Phoebe rocked back and forth holding him with her arms wrapped tightly around him as if by keeping him within the circle of her arms she could prevent anything bad from reaching him. Eventually, some time later, his tears died down and he managed to mostly get himself together. He moved back out of her embrace so he could talk to her. "I never meant for things to get so out of hand." he choked out, "It was just so _damned _hard!" 

He closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath, then looked at her and started speaking again, "You have no idea how-" he broke off mid-sentence, his eyes shifting from her face to a point above and to the left of it. It was the demonic bounty hunters whom he had managed to outrun earlier. One of them looked down on Phoebe and smirked. Cole blanched as he realized the bounty hunter's intentions, a look of abject terror filling his face. A matter of seconds stretched into an eternity for Cole as he lifted his hand and called upon every single last bit of energy he had left in him. He muttered a fervent prayer, "Please. Let this be enough!" he whispered as he formed it into an energy-ball and threw it at the bounty hunter. Phoebe spun around and saw it hit, for a moment it appeared as though Cole's best wasn't going to be good enough, but then the bounty hunter dissolved into flames and disappeared and his companions shimmered away.

Phoebe quickly turned back to Cole and found him lying, unmoving, on the concrete floor. "Cole!" she shouted as she ran to his side. "Don't do this to me. Don't you do this to me, Cole." she said, kneeling next to him and picking up his hand, his skin was pale and felt clammy. "Come on, Cole." she whispered as she leaned over his face. 

Finally his eyes fluttered open, "Phoebe! You're all right!" he exclaimed smiling weakly at her in relief, though he didn't move from his position on the floor of the mausoleum and his breathing was still shallow. "I was so worried... I thought I might not be strong enough..."

Phoebe helped Cole up so he could sit, leaning against one of the tombstones. She then sat next to him, resting her head on his shoulder, grateful for the contact between them. "You saved my life, Cole," she said, turning towards him and smiling.

"Yeah, well, you saved mine first." he replied in a low voice, looking away from her eyes.

"Cole," she said as she gently, yet forcefully turned his head back towards hers, "Don't you_ ever_ scare me like that again. I mean it. When we were apart it was bad, really bad, but at least I knew there was always the hope that things would get better, that somehow we could be together again." Phoebe paused and inhaled deeply then continued "But if you were to..." she trailed off, not wanting to say the awful words. "Cole, if that happened I don't think I could go on." she finished in a small voice. 

Cole pulled her tighter against him and she could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest. "I am so sorry Phoebe. I didn't want to cause you any pain," he rasped out in an anguished voice, his breathing still shallow. "I just... I couldn't deal with the hell my life had become! Being without you just hurt so much... I mean, at least you have your sisters. Me, I have no one!" suddenly he barked out a short humorless laugh, "That is unless you count the couple hundred bounty-hunters who are out after my blood." he quickly sobered up and his expression became somber once again, "Dammit Phoebe, I missed you so much!" he paused, as if unsure as to whether or not he should continue, then added softly, "I love you, Phoebe." He fell silent again and the only sound to be heard was his breathing, grating harshly, against the comparative silence in the dim light of the mausoleum.

Phoebe turned so she faced him. She reached up and cupped his cheek in her palm. "I missed you too Cole," she said, caressing his skin, then deliberately, she added, "And I will always love you." Slowly, she tilted her head up and her lips found his. The kiss was light at first, like a gentle breeze over the sea. Phoebe had seen how much a small energy ball had taken out of him and didn't want to push too hard, but Cole found he couldn't keep the flood of emotions within him suppressed any longer and kissed her back hungrily, moaning her name against her mouth. He ran his hands down her back as they kissed, expressing without words the depth of their feelings for each other. When the kiss finally ended, she was unable to tell if his heavy breathing was due to the attack on the demon or the kiss they had just shared.

After a few minutes, Phoebe spoke up again, realizing something, "Cole, do you have enough energy to shimmer?" she asked.

"Well, as long as we stay in this dimension and it's just once, I should be fine. Why?"

"I just was thinking about those demons, the bounty hunters from before, we should get out of here before they return, they aren't just going to forget about you are they?"

"No, they'll be back." he replied somberly, "So, where do you want to go? Your place?" 

"No, I don't think either of us are up to dealing with my sisters right now." she said, smiling wryly.

"Well then, a seedy hotel?" he asked, wriggling his eyebrows and smiling devilishly.

Phoebe playfully smacked his arm. "No, silly, besides, I don't think you have enough energy for _that_ either!" 

"Ouch! Hitting a man when he's down! That's no fair!" said Cole, pretending to be hurt.

Phoebe smiled, "Come on Cole, be serious! Is there anyplace you can think of?"

Cole thought for a minute, "Oh wait! Yeah!" he exclaimed, "I know the perfect place!" he stood up to shimmer. "Lets go!"

Phoebe got up too, but stepped away from him, though his boyish enthusiasm did make her smile, "Oh no we don't, not until you tell me where this wonderful place of yours is!"

"Aww, come on! You'll love it!" when she made no move towards him he added, "What is it? Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you Cole, it's just... You know what? Never mind." she said, stepping into his embrace, "It's not worth fighting over, but, Cole Turner, if you bring me to some seedy hotel..." her voice trailed off as he shimmered them off together.

~End chapter 3~

Lifehouse - Hanging By A Moment 

…Forgetting all I'm lacking  
Completely incomplete   
I'll take your invitation  
You take all of me   
…  
There's nothing else to lose  
There's nothing else to find   
There's nothing in the world   
That could change my mind 

_…_

I'm living for the only thing I know   
I'm running and I'm not quite sure where to go   
And I don't know what I'm diving into   
Just hanging by a moment here with you   
Just hanging by a moment  
Hanging by a moment  
Hanging by a moment  
Hanging by a moment here with you


End file.
